"I need to master martial art as fast as possible," I said, as my first instructor laughed in the 80s, "How many lessons will it take?"
"10 years," he replied simply.
"10 years?! I don't have a decade. I need these changes to happen NOW! What if I trained twice as hard, and practiced twice as long at home, THEN how long will it take me to master martial art?"
"20 years," he responded with a smirk. He continued, "I can teach you how to defend yourself in this weekend, and you'll be much more capable of addressing the violence you're facing now, but mastery involves lifestyle integration. You can't force it. You have to let it flow over time."
His cryptic words lingered throughout my life in every discipline I sought to master: martial art, yoga, fitness, coaching, speaking, writing, organizing, in nutrition, in parenting, in marriage, in community service. The harder I tried to force things to happen, the more artificial and ill-fitted they became, like quickly hammering a suit of armor. It only took longer to master, as all of the dents and dings needed to be smoothed and refitted anyway. Force only lengthened the process.
One day, ironically true of his forecast twenty years later, I awoke to his words I had long since forgotten. The violence had disappeared. I had changed my life so that those circumstances no longer could 'fit' within my lifestyle. Certainly, I had used my martial art to defend myself many times, but the process of slow, deliberate, methodical mastery also transformed my life to where I no longer needed to defend myself. I stopped 'doing' martial art; and had begun 'being' it.
Leon Brown wrote, "Impatience is the root of all your problems. You cannot force life to give you all of the answers. You must let them unfold before you." Baby steps are the way to succeed in anything. Carefully take one step of improvement at a time and latch it in.
It's not how fast or forcefully you try things, but rather how consistently and patiently you implement the lessons learned throughout your life. EVERY SINGLE DAY in each decision, that's where transformation happens. That's how real, significant, permanent change occurs, like the persistent drip of water's faith eroding the rock of your hardships.
Elegantly, last night, my son said to me after his high purple belt test, "Dad, I think I'm going to stay at junior black belt for a long time after I get there." I asked why. He replied, "Well... you said that when you die, I can have your black belt, but I don't want you to die so I can have yours. It's okay for me to be good. I can be great like you later."
Tearfully, I choked out the words, "Son, you surpass me already."
Very Respectfully,
Scott Sonnon
www.facebook.com/ScottSonnon
www.positiveatmosphere.com
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