Memento Mori, Memento Vivere

"Where shall I look for Enlightenment?" the disciple asked.

"Here," the elder said.

"When will it happen?" the disciple wanted to know.

"It is happening right now," the elder said.

"Then why don't I experience it?" the disciple asked.

And the elder answered, "Because you do not look."

"But what should I look for?" the disciple wanted to know.

And the disciple smiled and answered, "Nothing.  Just look."

"But at what?" the disciple insisted.

"Anything your eyes alight upon," the elder continued.

"Well, then, must I look in a special kind of way?" the disciple asked.

"No," the elder said.

"Why ever not?" the disciple persisted.

And the elder said quietly, "Because to look you must be here.  The problem is that you are most certainly somewhere else."

Lately I've been reading a book on Benedictine living for those not in monastic communities.  St. Benedict's Toolbox: The Nuts and Bolts of Everyday Benedictine Living, by Jane Tomaine, has certainly been one of the most practical books on Benedictine spirituality for non-monastics that I have ever read.

For example, she writes, "Those outside of a convent or monastery might think of the vows as values...that can guide our lives."  p. 43

The vows (values) that she refers to are the three vows which a Benedictine professes upon being received into the the community as a brother or sister.  These are: stability, obedience, and conversion of life.

Tomaine is an Episcopal priest, and not an oblate or associate of any particular Benedictine order, but strives to live according to her own understanding of the Rule of Benedict, that ancient manual for Christians living in community, which has endured in monasteries and convents and beyond for over 1500 years because it has the ability to adapt to whatever environment the community is in - and Jane Tomaine points out that we are all living in community, even though all our communities are not the same.

So I've taken some notes on the three vows (values) illuminated by St. Benedict's Toolbox:

Stability: from the Latin stare "to stand, to stand up, or to be still."  "Stability says stay put physically and emotionally (p. 64)."  "We need to stay connected to others and to commit to these relationships fully (p. 53)."

Obedience: from the Latin obaudire "to listen thoroughly."  "Listening is what the vow is all about (p. 78)."  "Set aside what you are doing.  Focus your attention on the person before you to discern what God is asking you to do (p. 64)."  "True obedience, healthy obedience, comes when we place God in the center of our lives to help us balance our needs with the needs of others (Pp. 65-66)."

Conversion: from the Latin conversatio morum "conversion of life."  "Change and grow.  Be transformed by the Spirit (para. p. 84)."  There seems to be some recent scholarship on the root of Benedict's writings on conversion.  It has also been translated conversio morum.  Their are different meanings associated with both.  Conversatio is also the root of conversation.  I've found significant discussions on both of these translations and how they are different, but here are my thoughts on this: We are changed (conversio) by actively participating (conversatio) in our relationships with God and with each other in community.  "Conversion of life encourages a positive and constructive response to  change (p. 87)."

How do the three vows (values) work together?

Benedictine community is about people ministering to each other.

"One of the most important tools...is to listen for God in our daily lives and to find God in the people and in the world around us.  To do this we need to be present right where we are at any given moment.  Benedict asks us to live in the present moment.  He says, stay put (stability), listen to the people and to life around you and respond to who God is calling you to be and what God is asking you to do (obedience), and be open to the ways in which God will transform you as you live the Christian life (conversion of life).  Benedict wants us to live in the present moment, fully alert to the now and ready to respond, whether we are at work, with our family, with friends, or with God in prayer (p. 183)."

Memento Mori, Memento Vivere.

Brokenness

"I have pondered over my ways and returned to your will" -Ps. 119

Do you ever feel like you are a failure at being a Christian?  You try to change, commit to change, resolve to change, and run out of ways to make the same promises over and over again.  You are not alone.  Consider these words from the psalmist, who was probably writing from a place of brokenness.  "I can't do this on my own anymore, Lord!"  He cries. "It's up to you, now."  This is not an end, it is a beginning.  Now we are ready to grow in Christ.  As long as we are the ones making the decisions to change in ways that we feel we should (I need to do more of this or I should be doing that...), we are not allowing God to overwhelm and overshadow us with his presence.  But when we are broken, we let go of our illusions of control, and that is when the Holy Spirit truly begins to work in our lives.

Listening for God

"The beauty of listening for God in ordinary daily life is that each day can become a vibrant creation when we trust that God is always present, when we look for God in every aspect of our lives, especially in the commonplace and the ordinary.  We see God as we listen to our life and recognize that each of us is precious to God.  Life itself is a gift and holds endless promise when we open ourselves to living with the Holy One, our Creator.  Only God knows the treasures that are in store for us.  Only God can foresee the grace that we can be for others when our eyes are on God." - Jane Tomain, St. Benedict's Toolbox: The Nuts and Bolts of Everyday Living, p. 11.

"Listen carefully my son (and daughter), to the master's instructions, and attend to them with the ear of your heart."  - from the Rule of St. Benedict, Prologue.

To Be a Slave

What does it mean to be a slave?  What does it mean to be a servant of Jesus Christ?  Author and singer Michael Card notes that almost half of Jesus’ parables involve slaves or slave-like characters.  The Apostle Paul typically referred to himself as a slave of Christ, and used the term “Master” when speaking of the Lord Jesus.

In our society, the word slave has really only a negative connection: suffering, hard labor, loss of human rights.  But the truth is, we are God’s creations.  We have been purchased by the blood of His Son Jesus Christ, and we belong to Him.

We are slaves, whether to our earthly passions or to Christ.  Whether we admit it or not.  Whether we believe it or not, we are slaves.  Addiction is slavery.  Lust is slavery.  Work-aholism is slavery.  Fear is slavery. 

In Christ, there is a freedom to be found in serving Him alone as our Master.  In his book A Better Freedom, Michael Card notes that many African-American Christians call Christ “Master,” which is a holdover from the days of slavery in this country, when the slaves often called Jesus Master, to remind themselves that Christ is their true master, and they are enslaved to Him. 

Their earthly masters, though they may have had control over the bodies of those slaves, did not have eternal ownership.  That belonged only to Jesus Christ.

We often feel trapped by addictive behavior.  We seek pleasure, money, peace, health.  But these things are fleeting, and just when we think we have found what we are looking for, it vanishes, and a new desire burns within us, a new concern arises that instills fear within us, which is Satan’s favorite method of control over us (If you keep the people afraid of you, they will be easy to manipulate).

We seek freedom, but in Christ, there is a better freedom, and that is in slavery to Him.  

Jesus Didn't Save Him

From K-Love:

Jesus didn’t save him.
One criminal on his cross was hurling abuses at Jesus, “Are you not the Christ? Save yourself and us!”. Jesus didn’t save him. This criminal didn’t want salvation, but self-preservation. He wanted his life to continue as normal and the “inconvenience” of his cross was in the way.
The other criminal recognized the righteousness of Christ, and his unrighteousness. He cried out to Jesus and Jesus promised him paradise that day.
One criminal fought the cross and died. The other criminal surrendered to his cross AND the cross of Christ and lived. He was truly crucified with Christ at that moment.
“If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it” (Matt. 16:25).

Okay, so this is a repost, but I had to share.

The 3rd Sunday of Lent: Peter Denies Christ

This passage of the Passion Narrative in the Gospel of John is one of the most powerfully real moments of the Passion of Christ for me.  Everything else, it seems, plays almost like a novel or a movie, in which we can get swept up by the plot, but it’s kind of larger than life.  Peter’s Denial, however, changes all of that.

Now, we skipped about 5 chapters from last week to this, but when preaching a lectionary we must make sacrifices and skip around a bit.  I suppose I could try to preach the entire Passion Narrative someday, but that would probably take the better part of a year, and seems rather depressing to me.  It is, however, very much worth taking the time to read for yourselves at some point during Holy Week, beginning with John 13 and reading all the way through the end of chapter 19, with Jesus’ burial; and then you will be ready for Easter Sunday, the Resurrection of the Lord.

But anyway, we are at Jesus’ trial before the High Priest Caiaphas, and Annas.  Verse 15 tells us that Peter actually followed Jesus into the courtyard, along with only one other disciple.  The other disciple was able to enter into the court to witness Jesus’ trial, because he was known to the high priest, but Peter could not, so he remained out in the courtyard by the fire alone, without any of his friends.

I believe that his denial was a surprise, even to him.  I believe that he believed that he would stand up for Jesus, his Lord and Master, to the end, as he professed.  At the end of Chapter 13, Jesus foretells Peter’s denial, although Peter says to him, “I will lay down my life for you.  Jesus answered, will you lay down your life for me?  Truly, truly, I say to you, the rooster will not crow until you have denied me three times.”

Of course, we have the luxury of looking back through history and knowing that both Jesus and Peter were right.  History shows that Peter died as a martyr for his faith at the hands of the Roman Empire.  But Jesus’ prophecy about him came true as well.  

What is also significant to consider in this, as always in the Scriptures, is the context in which we find Peter denying his relationship to Christ.  Just hours before Peter’s denial, at the time of Jesus’ arrest in the Garden of Gethsemane, Judas led the Jewish authorities to surprise and capture Jesus.  Immediately, Peter draws his sword and launches an attack on the soldiers, but Jesus  stops him, saying to him, “Shall I not drink the cup that the Father has given me?”

Peter was a Zealot.  And while that word today simply means that someone is very active and passionate about something, in the time of Christ, the Zealots were a militant political party whose goal was to incite a military uprising to throw out the Romans.  Peter believed that Jesus was the one to finally bring about that rebellion and finally cast off the yoke of Roman rule and oppression.  Judas may also have been a member of the Zealots, and it is argued that he believed the same thing as Peter, which was the true motivation behind his betrayal of Christ, that he was forcing a confrontation between Jesus and the Jewish authorities in order to spark a revolution.

But when we are surrounded by friends, and our leaders seem to be in positions of power, we also feel strong and bold to act.  Take all that away, however, and force us into a place of vulnerability, with no friends in sight to support us, and how we will we stand the testing of our convictions?  That is what really speaks to me from this passage.

So I have to ask?  Are we going to be Peter?  Quick to speak out in defense of Christ, or quick even to spring into action when it appears that we have the upper hand, but also quick to deny the convictions of our faith when the chips are down and peer pressure is high?

Still, it was only Peter and that other disciple who remained with Jesus throughout his trial at all.  Where were the others?  After Jesus’ arrest, there is no more mention of them whatsoever until after His resurrection, when they were hiding out in an upper room of an inn, terrified that they would also be arrested and put to death.  Peter and the other disciples can be seen as the most faithful of all the disciples because they stayed with Jesus the longest.  

And maybe that is why Peter’s denial was the hardest and most remembered of all the disciples.  “I am not,” he said to the servant girl who asked if he was one of the twelve.  “I am not,” he said to the people standing around at the charcoal fire, who asked the same question.  And it is at that very moment, as Peter was denying his relationship to the Lord, that Jesus himself was denying nothing, and in fact was standing behind everything he had done and said during his ministry.  

What is this “I am not?”  I am not the holy man that you think I am, he was saying to them.  I am not so certain and secure in my convictions as to be unshakeable in my faith.  A moment of weakness reveals to us that the great Apostle Peter, to whom Jesus said, “you are Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it (Mt. 16:18);” this Peter is very much like all the rest of us.  

Jesus, however, knew this as well, and having loved Peter, he loved him to the end.  Later, after the resurrection, Jesus confronts Peter at another charcoal fire.  He asks him three times, “Peter, do you love me?” at which Peter becomes a bit offended, and says, “Yes, Lord.  You know that I love you.”  Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep.”  

Jesus knows that Peter loves him, and Jesus loves Peter no less for his betrayal.  But why does Jesus choose Peter, who is broken and weak, to lead his church into the future?  I believe it is because Peter is broken and weak that Jesus chose him.  Peter’s soul is empty and ready to be filled; he is, as he says himself years later, in a letter to the Church, like a newborn infant, longing for the pure spiritual milk, that by it he may grow up into salvation.

The Psalmist says, “the sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise (51:17).”  
The story of Peter’s denial reminds us that we are a broken people, with a broken church, living in a broken world.  And while it is very Presbyterian of me to point out that obvious truth, I believe that we must always keep our brokenness before us, acknowledging the lordship of the only Physician who can heal us and make us whole.  In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

Prayer: Beginning a Lenten Journey

Throughout the last several years, I have struggled with my personal prayer life.  Not that I don't pray, but I have not structured my prayer life in such a way as to set aside time each day in order to more fully immerse myself into the school of prayer.

Prayer, when it is spontaneous and free, has a sort of continuous quality about it.  Paul said, "pray without ceasing (1 Thess. 15:17)," and I think that sums up very well the kind of spontaneous prayers that keep Christians in constant communion with God, ranging from, "God please help me," to praising God for the beauty of a sunrise that paints the morning sky on our way to work.

That kind of prayer is, I think, the first and most natural way that we learn how to pray, as Christians.  It is certainly the easiest, but there is so much more to explore, a vast treasury of prayer that unites Christians across the spectrum of time and place, prayer that Christ himself learned from, which gradually can teach us to articulate our own, more spontaneous prayers in ways that we otherwise would not be able to do.

As a pastor, I find that, when I pray "off the cuff," my prayers tend to follow a certain pattern, and I find that I often say certain things and pray in a sort of pattern.  However, by following a more structured, liturgical form of daily prayer, my own "free" prayer has begun to grow in its depth of expression so that I am learning that there is a need for both kinds of prayer: structured as well as free.

I refer to the Psalter, which is a cycle of praying through the psalms, along with other readings from Holy Scripture and devotional texts.  When I first began ordained ministry, I was blessed by a priest friend with a copy of the Liturgy of the Hours, and was instructed by him in its use.  Immediately, I saw what an amazing resource this was, whether or not one is Catholic, and but over the years, as I have explored other written prayer resources, my observance of the divine office has grown rather slim.

As Lent began, therefore, I once again committed myself to daily prayer, using the Liturgy of the Hours.  Perhaps one day I will have the discipline to pray all seven of the hours, uniting my spirit with the Psalmist, who said "Seven times a day I praise you (Ps. 119:164)."  Right now, however, I am enjoying the inspiration and satisfaction of "going to church" every morning and evening with the Liturgy of the Hours.

Coincidentally, the devotional reading for Friday was precisely for me, at this stage of my journey in Lent.  I will include it here for you:

"From a homily by Saint John Chrysostom

"Prayer and converse with God is a partnership and union with God.  As the eyes of the body are enlightened when they see light, so our spirit, when it is intent on God, is illumined by his infinite light.  I do not mean the prayer of outward observance but prayer from the heart, not confined to fixed but continuous through the day and night.

"Our spirit should be quick to reach out toward God, not only when it is engaged in meditation; at other times also, when it is carrying out its duties, caring for the needy, performing works of charity, giving generously in the service of others, our spirit should long for God and call him to mind, so that these works may be seasoned with the salt of God's love, and so make a palatable offering to the Lord of the universe.  Throughout the whole of our lives we may enjoy the benefit that comes from prayer if we devote a great deal of time to it.  

"Prayer is the light of the spirit, true knowledge of God, mediating between God and man.  The spirit, raised up to heaven by prayer, clings to God with the utmost tenderness; like a child crying tearfully for its mother, it craves the milk that God provides.  It seeks the satisfaction of its own desires, and receives gifts outweighing the whole world of nature.

"Prayer stands before God as an honored ambassador.  It gives joy to the spirit, peace to the heart.  I speak of prayer, not words.  It is the longing for God, love too deep for words, a gift not given by man but by God's grace.  The apostle Paul says: We do not know how we are to pray but the Spirit himself pleads for us with inexpressible longings.

"When the Lord gives this kind of prayer to a man, he gives him riches that cannot be taken away, heavenly food that satisfies the spirit.  One who tastes this food is set on fire with an eternal longing for the Lord: his spirit burns as in a fire of the utmost intensity.

"Practice prayer from the beginning.  Paint your house with the colors of modesty and humility.  Make it radiant with the light of justice.  Decorate it with the finest gold leaf of good deeds.  Adorn it with the walls and stones of faith and generosity.  Crown it with the pinnacle of prayer.  In this way you will make it a perfect dwelling place for the Lord.  You will be able to receive him as in a splendid palace, and through his grace you will already possess him, his image enthroned in the temple of your spirit."